If you ever been dumped, you know the horrifying hurricane of emotions that sweeps in and lasts days, weeks, or even months (How long has it been since I left my bed? Seriously, what day is it?) Suddenly your life becomes the epitome of that 22 Taylor Swift lyric…
We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.
If you’re thinking, what … happy? I’m not happy. Just wait, that emotion will come too, young grasshoppa, and it is the best of all the emotions you will come to befriend. Although, I think Tswift might have forgot to mention heartbroken and furious in that list of emotions!
If you’re looking for answers to questions, I’m sorry. I don’t have them. Didn’t I just say I was confused?
I don’t know what it means to be single. I haven’t been single since I was 17 and THAT is scary.
Two weeks of being single feels like two years right about now.
So I can’t promise you answers, but what I can promise is to be your ally in the Ex-Boyfriend Haters club, because really they stink. I can let you know that you’re not alone, that someone understands. All of those questions you’re asking, I’m asking too.
Here’s my TOP 7 QUESTIONS POST-BREAKUP real talk, getting dumped.
1. What if I’m a terrible kisser?
This is a legitimate question I never thought of until now. We all think we’re good kissers, right? I just overheard a girlfriend saying someone was a bad kisser, and now I’m having a full on panic attack, wondering, “What if that’s me?!”Bad kissers never know they’re bad kissers, because who tells a bad kisser they’re a bad kisser? NO ONE!
2. So today I’m feeling pretty damn good. Is it safe to say I’m over this?
(Please, please, please!) The unfortunate answer is straight NOPE. As much as I’d love to never waste a tear on my ex again, I know better. If you’ve recently been dumped, be prepared for what is bound to be a sucky long while to come. On the bright side, we now know there are actually up’s on this breakup rollercoaster.
3. When does flirting become too much?
I’ve suddenly become a flirtaholic (when I’m drunk at least!). The worst part is that I know the sexy, calm, collected girl with the perfect hair who is flirting with guys is only a figment of my imagination. I see what I look like when I finally arrive home, and all I got to say is Ooof. I like to dance and run and jump and skip and twerk and lay on the ground when I’m drunk. Which means: my hair is no longer straight, but rather, just a poof after the 1000 hair flips I know I did. My eyeliner is always smudged (and not in the sexy, smoldering way!), and that rockin’ lipstick probably disappeared on the rim of my pregame mixers before I ever made it downtown.
But back to my question, how do you draw the line? It’s nice to be flirted with and hear someone call you beautiful (even if they are intoxicated words), and it’s definitely fun to flirt back. I’d even argue, it’s healthy to engage in some flirting post-breakup. Just don’t get caught up in your emotions. That means know where you want to draw the line before you begin drinking, don’t get too serious with any guys, and most importantly don’t ever end up sobbing to the bartender.
4. Will I ever gain my appetite back?
Pre-breakup, my eating habits would horrify you… well maybe not you, but probably your grandmother. I could eat allllll day. Now, it’s amazing if I can finish eating anything. The idea of food just disgusts me. My diet is solely chips and queso. I have turned down donuts, chocolate, and cake. You’re probably wondering if I’m feverish… Me too! Ladies if you’re losing pounds, this is not healthy, even if it may seem like a perk of the breakup. I’ve lost almost 10 lbs, and I know this is not good. I just don’t know how to convince my mind to like food again. Advice, anyone?
5. Is it okay to talk to my ex?
Okay, okay. No brainer, right? Well yes, then you are right, and I am wrong! Okay, okay, have your moment…..
All post-breakup convos with an ex aren’t going to be as calm, in fact, they are probably rarely calm. I imagine talking with an ex would look and sound like a train wreck. Talking might be a way to get closure, if you didn’t get that during the breakup. But tread lightly if you’re going to talk to your ex, ladies, because this is a treacherous ocean you’re willingly throwing yourself at. And remember, that ocean is a real jerk; it (cough* he *cough) broke your heart.
6. Will he change his Netflix password??? This is a very serious question. I’ve got a little over one season left of Gossip Girl, and I cannot handle having that ripped away from me. I mean ex-boyfriends MUST understand this need, right?! Please, please, please, let him have mercy on me and my poor GG-loving soul. #Chuck&Blair4EVER
7. When will I stop calling him my boyfriend? It gets better over time. It will be real awkward talking about something and saying “my boyfriend, errrr my EX boyfriend,” but everyone will understand.
Just think: Ex. Ex. Ex. … We got this!
This is not even the beginning of my pool of thoughts, but these are the big ones lingering on my mind.
What questions are you asking yourself about your breakup and/or being single?